You guys, those reunion shows for all the Real Housewives shows on Bravo are AMAZING.
I'm watching the RHONJ reunion right now. These women are just plain cray-cray. And Teresa is the ring-leader of the crazy train. Andy Cohen just called Teresa out because she was saying "distened" instead of "distanced." That was pretty funny.
Great, now there's a Sarah McLachlan/homeless animal commercial on. I can't stand those commercials...I bawl cry every single time.
I know I've been gone from this blog for quite sometime. I think most of the "I failed the bar exam" searches have died down. I was fortunate to pick up a tutor this time around, and so far, I feel like I can see a tiny difference. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of talking about it. I'm so ready for this to be over. At this point, I'm so far removed from law school, I don't really even know what I'm doing anymore. People go to school and then they get jobs. Or, if you're me, you go to school and wait a thousand years to start your career.
Thanksgiving and Christmas were great. We spent Christmas in NC with BC's fam again. Always a good time. I spent the majority of the time sick. Boo. BC's grades were awesome this semester.
I need to write more often, its so hard to sum it all up and I don't want this blog to be all about stupid bar stuff.
New Years Res: blog better :)
12.31.2011
11.19.2011
One Whole Year
Dear Husband,
Before I even start writing, and while my mind puts words together, I feel like I'm about to write a blurb in a yearbook. So, forgive me if this sounds yearbook-ish. This is an ode to our first fabulous year together. I can't believe how fast time has flown. This has easily been one of the worst years of my life, but the best, all at the same time. (Hear me out, here.) Because you are here with me, I've been able to weather the storm of multiple bar exams. You knew my situation when you met me. You came to live in a foreign place, far away from everyone you know, before we were married, while I was going bananas over this stupid test. You stuck around to marry me despite my bananas. You held me when I cried every time I got my results and encouraged me every time I prepared for a new administration. You prayed for me and with me, every step of the way. You listened to me complain about work, and reminded me of what's important. You listen to my rants and raves and agree with all my nonsense. You celebrate when I celebrate, you mourn when I mourn. You play the guitar for me when I need to be cheered up, songs written just for me, never to be heard by another soul. You do chores when you think I'm not looking. You are so sweet and caring towards the pup, and I can't wait to see you as a real daddy (and not just with all your babies from other ladies. jk) You try to create a space of comfort for me, our own little bubble. You helped me feel at home in our office by hanging up all my diplomas all over the office wall. You share everything you have with me, and don't even think twice about letting me have the first bite of the meal you got that I thought I didn't want but ended up eating all of. We have so much fun wherever we go, you truly are my best friend! Anytime I do anything with anyone else and you aren't with me, I always end up missing you and wishing you were there with me. I love how we have our own hand squeeze/knee push language. We can talk smack about someone with just the exchange of once glance. You literally are the funniest person I've ever met. People who don't get your humor are dumb and pointless. You make me laugh all the time! Sometimes I catch you just looking at me, and it makes me feel so loved. You tell me I'm beautiful, even when I'm working on day 3 of the same pajamas and you haven't seen my hair down in a week. I miss you when you aren't around, even when you go to class for a couple hours. If a song comes on that talks about missing someone and you aren't with me, I get weepy. I can't help it!
Most of all, you love the Lord more than me and more than yourself. This was the one attribute I wanted so badly in my future husband, and I'm so thankful I found it in you. God truly created me for you, you for me. You are completely my other half...not a day goes by that we don't end up saying it out loud for some reason. Despite all my past mistakes and bad relationships, you love me completely. I think everyday I would repeat it all over again as long as it meant I got you in the end. The heartache was 100% worth it because you love me all the more.
I can say wholeheartedly that I love you today even more than the day I married you, and everyday our relationship grows stronger. I am so completely blessed beyond measure to have you in my life.
Happy day-before-our-anniversary, honey!
xo
Before I even start writing, and while my mind puts words together, I feel like I'm about to write a blurb in a yearbook. So, forgive me if this sounds yearbook-ish. This is an ode to our first fabulous year together. I can't believe how fast time has flown. This has easily been one of the worst years of my life, but the best, all at the same time. (Hear me out, here.) Because you are here with me, I've been able to weather the storm of multiple bar exams. You knew my situation when you met me. You came to live in a foreign place, far away from everyone you know, before we were married, while I was going bananas over this stupid test. You stuck around to marry me despite my bananas. You held me when I cried every time I got my results and encouraged me every time I prepared for a new administration. You prayed for me and with me, every step of the way. You listened to me complain about work, and reminded me of what's important. You listen to my rants and raves and agree with all my nonsense. You celebrate when I celebrate, you mourn when I mourn. You play the guitar for me when I need to be cheered up, songs written just for me, never to be heard by another soul. You do chores when you think I'm not looking. You are so sweet and caring towards the pup, and I can't wait to see you as a real daddy (and not just with all your babies from other ladies. jk) You try to create a space of comfort for me, our own little bubble. You helped me feel at home in our office by hanging up all my diplomas all over the office wall. You share everything you have with me, and don't even think twice about letting me have the first bite of the meal you got that I thought I didn't want but ended up eating all of. We have so much fun wherever we go, you truly are my best friend! Anytime I do anything with anyone else and you aren't with me, I always end up missing you and wishing you were there with me. I love how we have our own hand squeeze/knee push language. We can talk smack about someone with just the exchange of once glance. You literally are the funniest person I've ever met. People who don't get your humor are dumb and pointless. You make me laugh all the time! Sometimes I catch you just looking at me, and it makes me feel so loved. You tell me I'm beautiful, even when I'm working on day 3 of the same pajamas and you haven't seen my hair down in a week. I miss you when you aren't around, even when you go to class for a couple hours. If a song comes on that talks about missing someone and you aren't with me, I get weepy. I can't help it!
Most of all, you love the Lord more than me and more than yourself. This was the one attribute I wanted so badly in my future husband, and I'm so thankful I found it in you. God truly created me for you, you for me. You are completely my other half...not a day goes by that we don't end up saying it out loud for some reason. Despite all my past mistakes and bad relationships, you love me completely. I think everyday I would repeat it all over again as long as it meant I got you in the end. The heartache was 100% worth it because you love me all the more.
I can say wholeheartedly that I love you today even more than the day I married you, and everyday our relationship grows stronger. I am so completely blessed beyond measure to have you in my life.
Happy day-before-our-anniversary, honey!
xo
11.15.2011
They won't leave me alone
I got a call this morning from one of the ladies that worked in the financial department of my former job. Remember I was fired mid-September when I found out I failed the bar exam again. Haven't heard from them since. I was happy about that actually.
My former job was a state-funded position. That's about as far as I'll go with the description. In October 2010, the big bosses moved me to a branch about an hour away from where I lived. Most of you readers know that. I had one friend in another department in that building and that was pretty much the only thing about the move that was good. The rest sucked. But I still had a job and a paycheck, so I was happy. Anyway, when the bosses dropped that bomb on me, they offered me a car to drive, so as to sweeten the deal a bit. (I found out later pretty much everyone they asked to move to this branch turned it down. I was the only one asked that had no leverage or bargaining power.) Since I still had my job and got a car to drive, I pretty much couldn't turn it down. I knew I'd be driving about 100 miles everyday, and the ability to keep those miles off my car and not pay for gas was worth it. That's all they told me: "we're giving you a car, just keep up with the mileage and the gas receipts." When I was let go, I coordinated the drop-off of the car and asked if there was anything left for me to do. Lady said nope. I left.
So, back to the phone call. The lady from the financial department said I owed them some sort of fee for driving the car!! She said it was some sort of fee/tax set out by the state because I drove one of their vehicles. I told her that I was sorry, but no one said anything about a fee for driving the car when it was given to me. A fee on a car you offered. Her response: "well, sometimes they forget to tell people." REALLY?? Sometimes they forget?? What good does that do me?? I told the woman straight up--I don't have any money. She said "its not that big of a deal, its only $57." I told her, no you don't get it. I don't have any money. My husband is in school, I don't have a job (YOU FIRED ME REMEMBER), I just paid $600 to retake the bar exam, $3000 for a tutor, my part-time job pays me exactly the amount of money our health insurance costs, and my parents GRACIOUSLY paid our rent, electric, water, and car insurances this month. Our checking account is almost empty and we've all but depleted our savings.
SO: YOU TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO PAY YOUR NBD FEE.
I'd rather be in the position I'm in now than still working for that horrible place.
My former job was a state-funded position. That's about as far as I'll go with the description. In October 2010, the big bosses moved me to a branch about an hour away from where I lived. Most of you readers know that. I had one friend in another department in that building and that was pretty much the only thing about the move that was good. The rest sucked. But I still had a job and a paycheck, so I was happy. Anyway, when the bosses dropped that bomb on me, they offered me a car to drive, so as to sweeten the deal a bit. (I found out later pretty much everyone they asked to move to this branch turned it down. I was the only one asked that had no leverage or bargaining power.) Since I still had my job and got a car to drive, I pretty much couldn't turn it down. I knew I'd be driving about 100 miles everyday, and the ability to keep those miles off my car and not pay for gas was worth it. That's all they told me: "we're giving you a car, just keep up with the mileage and the gas receipts." When I was let go, I coordinated the drop-off of the car and asked if there was anything left for me to do. Lady said nope. I left.
So, back to the phone call. The lady from the financial department said I owed them some sort of fee for driving the car!! She said it was some sort of fee/tax set out by the state because I drove one of their vehicles. I told her that I was sorry, but no one said anything about a fee for driving the car when it was given to me. A fee on a car you offered. Her response: "well, sometimes they forget to tell people." REALLY?? Sometimes they forget?? What good does that do me?? I told the woman straight up--I don't have any money. She said "its not that big of a deal, its only $57." I told her, no you don't get it. I don't have any money. My husband is in school, I don't have a job (YOU FIRED ME REMEMBER), I just paid $600 to retake the bar exam, $3000 for a tutor, my part-time job pays me exactly the amount of money our health insurance costs, and my parents GRACIOUSLY paid our rent, electric, water, and car insurances this month. Our checking account is almost empty and we've all but depleted our savings.
SO: YOU TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO PAY YOUR NBD FEE.
I'd rather be in the position I'm in now than still working for that horrible place.
11.01.2011
1st run meeting
Tonight was the first night of the Run for God program at church. There was quite a turnout, I was surprised. I think I heard someone say 32? We have about 350-ish that attend on Sunday mornings, so I think 32 is pretty good? I don't know, maybe not. What do I know?
Anyway, the program is like this--we start today, meet every Tuesday with 2 weeks off at Christmas/New Years, and finish up with a 5K at the end of January. Essentially its Couch to 5K. Except with encouragement and fellowship.
The meeting started off with an Ironman video of the father/son team that runs marathons together. If you haven't heard of them before, you can watch a quick video here. The story makes me super weepy. After that we talked about the importance of running the race of life and how running is actually a lot like faith. We aren't always the best. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we give up. Sometimes we are super strong. Sometimes we struggle. But we can always try again.
The instructor encouraged us to run without headphones. Use this time to talk to God, focus on how it actually feels to run, clear our minds, encourage others, strike up conversations with others, etc. Some people actually spoke up in the meeting and said it was "impossible" for them to run without music and they don't exercise well with others. I looked at BC and was like--really? Why are you even here?
Anyway, after that we went to a local walk park (and I will definitely be securing a runner's gun holster now) and were supposed to do a 5 minute warm up, intervals of 60 seconds running with 90 seconds walking, and a 5 minute cool-down. Once the warm-up was over I started running. I ran for most of the time, and was really proud of myself. I am a slow runner, but I think I surprised people. I'm not skinny, I'm definitely not "fit." But it felt so good to push myself beyond what I am used to. I spent a lot of time praying for God to give me strength. Not just while I was running but in other parts of my life. I need physical endurance PLUS spiritual and emotional endurance. It was really amazing to run without any auditory assistance. I liked it.
I'm hoping this is a new start for me. I got to sport my awesome hot pink Vibram FiveFingers and I didn't go to McDonalds afterwards. I think this was a win.
Anyway, the program is like this--we start today, meet every Tuesday with 2 weeks off at Christmas/New Years, and finish up with a 5K at the end of January. Essentially its Couch to 5K. Except with encouragement and fellowship.
The meeting started off with an Ironman video of the father/son team that runs marathons together. If you haven't heard of them before, you can watch a quick video here. The story makes me super weepy. After that we talked about the importance of running the race of life and how running is actually a lot like faith. We aren't always the best. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we give up. Sometimes we are super strong. Sometimes we struggle. But we can always try again.
The instructor encouraged us to run without headphones. Use this time to talk to God, focus on how it actually feels to run, clear our minds, encourage others, strike up conversations with others, etc. Some people actually spoke up in the meeting and said it was "impossible" for them to run without music and they don't exercise well with others. I looked at BC and was like--really? Why are you even here?
Anyway, after that we went to a local walk park (and I will definitely be securing a runner's gun holster now) and were supposed to do a 5 minute warm up, intervals of 60 seconds running with 90 seconds walking, and a 5 minute cool-down. Once the warm-up was over I started running. I ran for most of the time, and was really proud of myself. I am a slow runner, but I think I surprised people. I'm not skinny, I'm definitely not "fit." But it felt so good to push myself beyond what I am used to. I spent a lot of time praying for God to give me strength. Not just while I was running but in other parts of my life. I need physical endurance PLUS spiritual and emotional endurance. It was really amazing to run without any auditory assistance. I liked it.
I'm hoping this is a new start for me. I got to sport my awesome hot pink Vibram FiveFingers and I didn't go to McDonalds afterwards. I think this was a win.
10.30.2011
My place + running
Husband set me up a place in our tiny office for me. In the past its mostly been his space, plus and extra table for me to dump my junk at. (Y'ALL WE LIVE IN THE SMALLEST TOWNHOUSE ON THE PLANET AND HAVE NO PLACE TO STORE ALL OUR VERY SUPER IMPORTANT JUNK.) Its nice though. All my pretty diplomas and awards and junk up no the wall. We got some more storage containers (which he spray painted black and look great, I must say) and everything looks nice. We tried to stick with black accented stuff in the office instead of brown. I always felt like brown was a very particular color. Can be touch to match. Black is easy. So black it is.
I'm getting prepared to get back to studying. I'm going out on a (very expensive) limb and picking up a tutor this time around. I clearly need help. Which sucks because I've never "clearly needed help" in my academic life, ever. If I don't get some help though, I'm completely headed for defeat. As much as I don't like admitting it, I need someone to fix this mess.
I contacted a few different people, some in Florida, some not. I've decided to go with a tutor out of New York. I know I need a lot of help with MBE stuff and writing. I think I'm writing ok (flows, sounds good), I just know I'm not pointing out enough stuff.
I'm oddly looking forward to it--I'm just deathly terrified because its so expensive!! I'm so scared that I'm going to spend a ton of money on this dang tutor and still fail again. Any longer and I'm going to spend what I spent on tuition on freaking studying for and taking this dumb test so many times.
Not going to be negative. Nope. Started running again and the endorphins have really helped my mood. I'm not even a runner. I just turned on the treadmill, put on an Office episode, and before I knew it I had ran for a mile and didn't even realize it. It was great. I'm like the slowest runner ever and my face gets really red, but pushing myself like that has really made me feel like I can do stuff. I keep seeing all these dumb motivational running posters all over Pinterest:
"the only one stopping you is you"
"I wanted to quit because I was suffering, that wasn't a good enough reason"
"everything you're running away from is in your head"
"someone who is busier than you is running right now"
Anyway. Our church has started this group thing where we meet at the church one day a week for a short devotional and then we talk about one fitness topic and then go to a local walking park to start training for a 5K. BC and I are doing it because it is something fun to do together, free, and we get to associate with other church members and worship a bit in the process. HOWEVER: I am very self-conscious running in front of other people I know. We have some very fit people that go to church with us. Very fit, trim, thin. I told one of the teachers today that if I show up on Tuesday and its a bunch of skinny people I'm NOT coming back. She laughed. I wasn't kidding.
I'm getting prepared to get back to studying. I'm going out on a (very expensive) limb and picking up a tutor this time around. I clearly need help. Which sucks because I've never "clearly needed help" in my academic life, ever. If I don't get some help though, I'm completely headed for defeat. As much as I don't like admitting it, I need someone to fix this mess.
I contacted a few different people, some in Florida, some not. I've decided to go with a tutor out of New York. I know I need a lot of help with MBE stuff and writing. I think I'm writing ok (flows, sounds good), I just know I'm not pointing out enough stuff.
I'm oddly looking forward to it--I'm just deathly terrified because its so expensive!! I'm so scared that I'm going to spend a ton of money on this dang tutor and still fail again. Any longer and I'm going to spend what I spent on tuition on freaking studying for and taking this dumb test so many times.
Not going to be negative. Nope. Started running again and the endorphins have really helped my mood. I'm not even a runner. I just turned on the treadmill, put on an Office episode, and before I knew it I had ran for a mile and didn't even realize it. It was great. I'm like the slowest runner ever and my face gets really red, but pushing myself like that has really made me feel like I can do stuff. I keep seeing all these dumb motivational running posters all over Pinterest:
"the only one stopping you is you"
"I wanted to quit because I was suffering, that wasn't a good enough reason"
"everything you're running away from is in your head"
"someone who is busier than you is running right now"
Anyway. Our church has started this group thing where we meet at the church one day a week for a short devotional and then we talk about one fitness topic and then go to a local walking park to start training for a 5K. BC and I are doing it because it is something fun to do together, free, and we get to associate with other church members and worship a bit in the process. HOWEVER: I am very self-conscious running in front of other people I know. We have some very fit people that go to church with us. Very fit, trim, thin. I told one of the teachers today that if I show up on Tuesday and its a bunch of skinny people I'm NOT coming back. She laughed. I wasn't kidding.
10.23.2011
Dumb things at work.
I work part-time at a small monogram shop in my hometown. I worked for them forever ago, right out of undergrad, and before I went to law school. (Side story there--couldn't find a job to SAVE MY LIFE once I graduated from college. Ended up at a monogram shop, workin' retail. Yep. I liked it WAY better though because the owners are amazing.) Anyway, the shop has since changed names and moved to a different location in town, one with much less vagrant homeless and more delicious nearby eateries. I wandered in one day a couple months ago to check out the new location, chatted with one of the owners, and she asked if I wanted to pick up some Saturdays. Always one needing money (and possibly seeing the bar exam writing on the wall, as it were), I said yes.
After years of working in that store, I have a few stories to tell, naturally.
A fun one happened via phone this past Saturday:
*ring ring* *ring ring*
Me: Thanks for calling The XYZ Monogram Shop.
Caller: Hi, ummmm, yeahhhhh, I have a question.
Me: (already annoyed) Okay.
Caller: Yeah, so ummmmmm I have something I need to get monogrammed.
*pause*
Me: Okay.
Caller: I need to know if I brought it in, when can I pick it up.
**Note: it is 3:40 pm at this point. We close at 4.
Me: Well, if you brought it in today, the pick-up would be for the 27th. Any earlier would be a $5 rush fee.
Caller: Oh reeeeally? I can't drop it off and get it back today?
Me: Um, no, sorry.
Caller: Really? I can't do that?
Me: Yeah, no. The owner who runs the machines was in today, but we're about to close and she isn't coming back in.
Caller: Oh. Okay. Well, do you know somewhere I can take it to get it done today?
Me: No.
Caller: What about tomorrow? Could you do it tomorrow?
Me: (about to throw the phone out onto the highway) No. We aren't open on Sundays.
Caller: Really? Oh.
*pause*
Caller: Do you know somewhere I can get it done on Sunday?
Me: No. Look, this town isn't that big. Most places that do stuff like this are small shops/boutiques and they are definitely NOT going to be open on Sundays.
Caller: Oh really? Ohhhhh wowwwww. Ok. Well, thanks.
I just hung up the phone at that point. I wish there was some way to properly convey the spacey sounding voice I heard on the phone. But alas, I cannot. I'm sure you can use your imagination. I swear if that caller is the future of our generation, we're in trouble.
Also, just because you work retail, you aren't stupid. Although most people would like to treat you that way. Boo.
After years of working in that store, I have a few stories to tell, naturally.
A fun one happened via phone this past Saturday:
*ring ring* *ring ring*
Me: Thanks for calling The XYZ Monogram Shop.
Caller: Hi, ummmm, yeahhhhh, I have a question.
Me: (already annoyed) Okay.
Caller: Yeah, so ummmmmm I have something I need to get monogrammed.
*pause*
Me: Okay.
Caller: I need to know if I brought it in, when can I pick it up.
**Note: it is 3:40 pm at this point. We close at 4.
Me: Well, if you brought it in today, the pick-up would be for the 27th. Any earlier would be a $5 rush fee.
Caller: Oh reeeeally? I can't drop it off and get it back today?
Me: Um, no, sorry.
Caller: Really? I can't do that?
Me: Yeah, no. The owner who runs the machines was in today, but we're about to close and she isn't coming back in.
Caller: Oh. Okay. Well, do you know somewhere I can take it to get it done today?
Me: No.
Caller: What about tomorrow? Could you do it tomorrow?
Me: (about to throw the phone out onto the highway) No. We aren't open on Sundays.
Caller: Really? Oh.
*pause*
Caller: Do you know somewhere I can get it done on Sunday?
Me: No. Look, this town isn't that big. Most places that do stuff like this are small shops/boutiques and they are definitely NOT going to be open on Sundays.
Caller: Oh really? Ohhhhh wowwwww. Ok. Well, thanks.
I just hung up the phone at that point. I wish there was some way to properly convey the spacey sounding voice I heard on the phone. But alas, I cannot. I'm sure you can use your imagination. I swear if that caller is the future of our generation, we're in trouble.
Also, just because you work retail, you aren't stupid. Although most people would like to treat you that way. Boo.
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