Its that time of the year...

I can always tell when bar results come out...the emails start. I never get happy emails, only sad ones. Most of the time I read them and cry. I remember being in their shoes. The months of preparation, the brain dump, and the weeks of anticipation. And then complete let-down.

For those that have come here for encouragement, you have found it! I completely understand how each of you feels.

So where am I now? Working....and just....working. Realizing that real life is never disclosed to you while in law school. How many professors never really worked in the real world, or, if they did, they have been sworn to secrecy so students won't quit and stop paying tuition. Even so, even if we were warned, I'm sure none of us would have listened. We all thought WE were the exception.

A new girl just started in my office. I overheard her talking to some secretaries and I heard "LSAT." I immediately thought--OH NO. Poor girl! She must be warned! Run for your liiiiiiiiiife! But I kept all that to myself. I remember being there. It wouldn't matter...it never does. And to be fair, I don't hate the practice of law. At the end of the day, it is a noble profession. You are always learning, always trying to figure out how to think of something no one else has. Being in motion hearings/trial/whatever and having to think up something on the fly successfully can make you feel awesome. (Or super dumb, depending on what the surprise issue is.)

What makes our jobs tough are other people. If I could practice law all by myself, I'd be fine. Or, maybe practice with like 5 other lawyers I know. There's one girl in my office, and a couple other attorneys scattered across America. I think we could all get along pretty well. Alas, that's not the case. Somewhere along the line, "adversaries" became synonymous with "enemies." I get along with most male attorneys I sit across the table from, until I do something they don't like and they start trying to tell me "how these things are usually done, sweetie." Most female attorneys opposite my position are extremely hateful. Its frustrating, because I work really hard not to instigate or be difficult to work with. Recently, a few misunderstandings have led to several female adversaries to claim I'm being underhanded and malicious. Despite apologizing and working to be more clear and on top of things, I'm still being treated with contempt. Unfortunately, I've learned my age, gender, and level of experience means I have only two options on how to act: door mat or bit**. If you are nice, you get railroaded and your kindness is taken advantage of. If you stand your ground, you are the dreaded B WORD. I'm doing my best to take the high road.

I've really been struggling with this lately. I didn't intend for this post to go this direction, but its been on my mind a lot lately. I've also planned to pick up Unglued, by LysaTerKeurst. I honestly feel a bit unglued lately and I have literally no (local) attorney friends to talk to that are in the Christian faith. Yes, I can walk around, cursing everybody and everything. Yes, I can scream in my office about the idiots I come in contact with DAILY (and I have--so embarrassing). I need to get a grip no this. Stressful situations are a part of an attorneys life...nothing I'm experiencing is new to any lawyer. I just need to learn how to manage it all. And personally, I don't believe that managing it can be found at a bar, which is were a lot of stressed out professionals go. I believe I can solve it another way.

IN OTHER NEWS, I am going on almost 3 months of weight watchers, and I've lost 15 lbs! It's an AMAZING feeling, and I am LOVING how I feel! Man, going up the stairs is so much easier. Running is so much easier! Trying on clothes is so much easier! The other day I bought a size pants for work I have never worn. Maybe in like 5th grade or something, but its been many MANY years. I'm feeling so great, I don't EVER want to be back where I was!!

I'm also still rocking along in my wedding coordinating business. I had a wedding last weekend and I have one next month. I love it! Its SO much fun and I absolutely love helping brides have the perfect wedding day!

Ok. Well...I think that's enough for now. I'll try to make my posts a little more regular!

And, as always, if there are any bar un-passers out there, feel free to email me! (No such thing as a failer around here!)

Forever ago

Does anyone even read this anymore? Sometimes I'll pull my blog page up and see my old posts and have awesome intentions to update, but never do.

I feel compelled to do so now, especially since bar results are currently coming out for the Feb 13 exam.

I see the hits on my page are up...and unfortunately, I usually know what that means.

For those of you that are here because you failed: don't lose hope! Don't lose heart! Stay strong, no matter what number exam this may be for you. I didn't pass the MBE until my 4th try and passed the FL portion on my 5th try. You CAN pass this test! I pray it doesn't take you as long as it took me, but never give up. Always keep trying.

For those that keep up with me from time to time: I am working. Always working. Currently, I'm spending my weekend cleaning and prepping for my jury trial week next week. I potentially have 3 that may go, but I'm only anticipating having to take 1. I'd rather not divulge too much more information if at all possible.

Being a real-life, practicing attorney is stressful. Its stress that I'd gladly take any day over bar stress, but its definitely stressful all on its own. I've made friends with a few of my co-workers and my supervisor is hilarious and ridiculous. When I started, I had a division partner that was very knowledgeable and super nice. It made the transition much easier.

Sometimes I forget where I came from, what it took for me to get here. I get really stressed out and anxious pretty easily and I'm trying to control that better. I know that I have much more stability now than I did with no job, and I try to remember that God has blessed me with this job, at this time, for a specific purpose. I'm trying to remember to keep an eye open for what my purpose is at this time.

Recently I had some physical issues to deal with, and that caused a scare. It dealt with my heart which made it even more stressful! I had to remember I was a strong person. I've gone through a bunch of junk and I needed to suck it up, undergo whatever procedures were necessary and be prepared for whatever lesson I was being taught through it. Thankfully the second procedure I went through showed us that the problem was much more minor than was anticipated, and I'm free to resume life as normal. It was a scary couple of months, but we're praising God all the day long!

My husband and I are also building a house right now, which is so completely dramatic all on its own, and WOAH there is like a million things to do with it. Thankfully, my Mom works in secondary marketing at a local bank and was able to hold our hands through all of this and help us understand all the junk we were having to sign and pay for. There is so much small print and let this be a warning: loan officers don't really pay attention to what you are signing...you better read that stuff carefully. We found a lot of mistakes that could have caused us trouble down the road. With a mortgage, you really have to look out for #1, which is terrifying because you have to sign like a million things that don't make any sense.

So there's the update. Work, heart stuff, house. 6 months in to my job and I still haven't figured out how to balance cleaning and doing stuff during the week or exercising.

Those out there that need to vent, complain, commiserate, hit me up! I've been there, done that. 5 times :)