So, after a very dramatic previous blog post, I have to say, I'm doing much better. Even though my quiz grades are not stellar, I've been getting a lot of encouragement from my tutor, and that makes me feel better. When I start to get overwhelmed about not doing as much work as I would like, I try to repeat what he has been telling me this whole time--you can't fix what is in the past, you can only make the best out of the time you have at this very second, don't focus on what's coming tomorrow. Anyway, it helps.
I gchatted the other day with LF and Rachel. Rachel and I are using the same tutor that LF used (with hopefully the same results!!!) and were swapping stories, including mutual breakdowns. LF was checking in on me to (I think) make sure I hadn't hurled myself off the closest high-rise. Being able to commiserate with other non-passers definitely helps. While you are unwillingly shoved into this group of people that no one wants to be in, of course, it is amazing the sort of support you are able to find. Its one thing for some person just to say, awww I'm so sorry you didn't pass. Its quite another for someone who actually didn't pass to say, I'm so sorry you didn't pass. They understand what its like to study and not achieve. To have your life put on hold while you shell out another $1000+ to move past what others already have. To feel like a failure. People I've never even met before are concerned about me and my well being. I am so incredibly grateful! (I have to put here, I'm grateful for all the people who are concerned about me, passers and non-passers alike, including non-lawyery people.) I've already told BC when this is all over, we're going to be taking lots of trips to visit these people so I can hug them all.
I've gotten involved with an online Bible Study group with Brittany, Amanda, and Jenna. I've really enjoyed it, and its forced me to be super accountable. We don't all do the same study, its more just for accountability purposes, and sharing things we're learning with other ladies. I'm currently going through David: 90 Days With a Heart Like His by Beth Moore. Since pretty much every woman I go to church with is either (1) my age and a mom or (2) not a mom but way younger than me, its nice to swap life junk with women who are both my age and not in mommy land yet.
In other news, I got my hairz highlighted yesterday. It was an AMAZING experience. I haven't gotten my hair done, in, I don't know, 7-ish months? Something like FOREVER ago. It was mostly because of money issues. Oddly enough, the darker my hair got, the more depressed I became. Perhaps it was a constant reminder of how poor I was? How I totally should have asked for a hair appt for Christmas? How I should have saved my Christmas money instead of spending it on, good grief I don't know, a million Dr. Peppers to and from NC on our Christmas vacation? I mean, seriously, how does cash go so freaking quickly out of my pocket???? WHAT THE HECK DO I SPEND IT ON ALL THE TIME.
My husband's parents were gracious enough to send us some money to help out with bills and so my husband could get some more contacts and glasses--definitely a necessity that unfortunately borders on a luxury these days. Since they were SO gracious, my husband told me to take some money to go get my hair done. I was literally ECSTATIC. Ever since then I've been in the best mood ever. Its amazing what getting your hair spruced up will do to a mood.
Welp, enough of all this. If I'm ever going to pass, I've got to get to work! Holla!
1.25.2012
1.11.2012
I didn't want this to become a bar blog. I would love for this to be an anything-but-the-bar blog. But that's whats going on right now.
I'm really struggling right now becuase I am not understanding anything. I have seen this freaking stuff four times. FOUR TIMES. How stupid do you have to be to not get something after four times??? I read this stuff, and I recognize it, I totally recognize it. But its completely foreign to me. Like it never actually sinks in. I turn around and do practice questions and its like nothing.
I had a good session (or so I thought) with my tutor on hearsay on Monday. So good, that he told me he thought I did amazing. He sent me some questions to do. I got them back and got over half of them wrong. The worst part was going back over the answers. I mean, I can see where those answers are right but I clearly thought mine were originally right. If I took that same test in a few weeks, I don't think I would do any better than I did the other day.
That's terrifying.
How am I actually ever going to pass this thing? I'm doing as well right now as I've pretty much done every other time. I'm all out of chances. My parents have spent $3000 on bar exams. $4000 on hotels. $3000 on a tutor. And for what? A failure for a child. They're also paying pretty much everything for us. I can't work, I can't find a job that will work around this insane schedule. My husband is in school full time. And its all my fault. We actually, literally, wouldn't be able to survive if they didn't do all this. No, I take that back. Without their help, I never would have made it past July 2010. I would have had to get a job, move on, and take it some other time.
What am I complaining for, right? I am taken care of.
True.
Sometimes its hard to see all that when you feel completely hopeless.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow morning, that's usually how these things go. But I have felt just so dang depressed today. Seeing no improvement in my scores, in my ability to remember anything. Its distressing. I fell like I've done nothing but waste more money, more time.
And I'm really afraid this time the result is going to be exactly the same.
1.09.2012
1.06.2012
Still around
Pretty sure I'm the most boring blogger ever these days. Saw someone took me off their must read list and that made me sad.
Not much besides bar review going on around here...except this time I have a tutor thrown in who yells at me. I think its working.
Been sick all Christmas vacation and now I think I have a stomach virus? I got super dehydrated today, so NOT COOL.
My neighbors douchey parents are in town and his dad ran out of the house the other day screaming at me to pick up my dog's poop. I was nice though and said I was going to get the poop bags. He'll have to answer for his horrible attitude. Except now I find myself thinking of awesome snarky things to say to him and I know I just need to go back and live in my own little world.
Stayed in pjs mostly these days. Its not too rough of a life. Except that whole no income thing.
We're back on the diet train after Christmas. I gained 5, COUNT THEM FIVE, pounds while at me IL's house. Of course every single pound was worth it because it was amazing food. But I could not deal with 5 pounds in a week! As of today, I've got it all back off and the tiniest smidge more, and I'm hoping to continue the downward trend. Honestly, I haven't exercised a morsel yet, besides walking, we've just been cutting calories. It jumpstarts the process nicely.
Before we did that, though, we had to polish off the remaining box of these:
In other news, Coco is acting bananas lately. She's had some bad run-ins with dogs recently, including one neighbors dog who ran out of its house and right up to her and jumped in her face, and so now she freaks out at every little tiny noise. We tried to bring her to the groomers yesterday, and she growled at the lady, which she never does, so we went home. We got her a Thundershirt, but every time we put it on, she just freezes in place and acts super weird. I don't know. She was never like this before, I think she just has some major anxiety issues all of a sudden. The groomer said it might be good just to bring her by and have hem give her treats and then go home, just to get her used to being around people without anxiety. She suggested a trainer too, just to work with Coco and help her be around dogs that are calm.
Back to practice questions...
Not much besides bar review going on around here...except this time I have a tutor thrown in who yells at me. I think its working.
Been sick all Christmas vacation and now I think I have a stomach virus? I got super dehydrated today, so NOT COOL.
My neighbors douchey parents are in town and his dad ran out of the house the other day screaming at me to pick up my dog's poop. I was nice though and said I was going to get the poop bags. He'll have to answer for his horrible attitude. Except now I find myself thinking of awesome snarky things to say to him and I know I just need to go back and live in my own little world.
Stayed in pjs mostly these days. Its not too rough of a life. Except that whole no income thing.
We're back on the diet train after Christmas. I gained 5, COUNT THEM FIVE, pounds while at me IL's house. Of course every single pound was worth it because it was amazing food. But I could not deal with 5 pounds in a week! As of today, I've got it all back off and the tiniest smidge more, and I'm hoping to continue the downward trend. Honestly, I haven't exercised a morsel yet, besides walking, we've just been cutting calories. It jumpstarts the process nicely.
Before we did that, though, we had to polish off the remaining box of these:
OMG DEWEY'S OATMEAL CREAM COOKIES NOM NOM NOM. These things are so truly amazing in delicious I cannot even do them justice. They are from a local bakery in NC where my husband is from and my IL's got two boxes of them while we were there and sent them back with us. I'm pretty sure the boxes came with "make sure you share these with your parents" but I'm sorry....they didn't make it that far really. We split one with them one night when they came over for dinner, but only because we had eaten the rest. Whoops :-/
In other news, Coco is acting bananas lately. She's had some bad run-ins with dogs recently, including one neighbors dog who ran out of its house and right up to her and jumped in her face, and so now she freaks out at every little tiny noise. We tried to bring her to the groomers yesterday, and she growled at the lady, which she never does, so we went home. We got her a Thundershirt, but every time we put it on, she just freezes in place and acts super weird. I don't know. She was never like this before, I think she just has some major anxiety issues all of a sudden. The groomer said it might be good just to bring her by and have hem give her treats and then go home, just to get her used to being around people without anxiety. She suggested a trainer too, just to work with Coco and help her be around dogs that are calm.
Back to practice questions...
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