One Whole Year

Dear Husband,

Before I even start writing, and while my mind puts words together, I feel like I'm about to write a blurb in a yearbook. So, forgive me if this sounds yearbook-ish. This is an ode to our first fabulous year together. I can't believe how fast time has flown. This has easily been one of the worst years of my life, but the best, all at the same time. (Hear me out, here.) Because you are here with me, I've been able to weather the storm of multiple bar exams. You knew my situation when you met me. You came to live in a foreign place, far away from everyone you know, before we were married, while I was going bananas over this stupid test. You stuck around to marry me despite my bananas. You held me when I cried every time I got my results and encouraged me every time I prepared for a new administration. You prayed for me and with me, every step of the way. You listened to me complain about work, and reminded me of what's important. You listen to my rants and raves and agree with all my nonsense. You celebrate when I celebrate, you mourn when I mourn. You play the guitar for me when I need to be cheered up, songs written just for me, never to be heard by another soul. You do chores when you think I'm not looking. You are so sweet and caring towards the pup, and I can't wait to see you as a real daddy (and not just with all your babies from other ladies. jk) You try to create a space of comfort for me, our own little bubble. You helped me feel at home in our office by hanging up all my diplomas all over the office wall. You share everything you have with me, and don't even think twice about letting me have the first bite of the meal you got that I thought I didn't want but ended up eating all of. We have so much fun wherever we go, you truly are my best friend! Anytime I do anything with anyone else and you aren't with me, I always end up missing you and wishing you were there with me. I love how we have our own hand squeeze/knee push language. We can talk smack about someone with just the exchange of once glance. You literally are the funniest person I've ever met. People who don't get your humor are dumb and pointless. You make me laugh all the time! Sometimes I catch you just looking at me, and it makes me feel so loved. You tell me I'm beautiful, even when I'm working on day 3 of the same pajamas and you haven't seen my hair down in a week. I miss you when you aren't around, even when you go to class for a couple hours. If a song comes on that talks about missing someone and you aren't with me, I get weepy. I can't help it!

Most of all, you love the Lord more than me and more than yourself. This was the one attribute I wanted so badly in my future husband, and I'm so thankful I found it in you. God truly created me for you, you for me. You are completely my other half...not a day goes by that we don't end up saying it out loud for some reason. Despite all my past mistakes and bad relationships, you love me completely. I think everyday I would repeat it all over again as long as it meant I got you in the end. The heartache was 100% worth it because you love me all the more.

I can say wholeheartedly that I love you today even more than the day I married you, and everyday our relationship grows stronger. I am so completely blessed beyond measure to have you in my life.

Happy day-before-our-anniversary, honey!



They won't leave me alone

I got a call this morning from one of the ladies that worked in the financial department of my former job. Remember I was fired mid-September when I found out I failed the bar exam again. Haven't heard from them since. I was happy about that actually.

My former job was a state-funded position. That's about as far as I'll go with the description. In October 2010, the big bosses moved me to a branch about an hour away from where I lived. Most of you readers know that. I had one friend in another department in that building and that was pretty much the only thing about the move that was good. The rest sucked. But I still had a job and a paycheck, so I was happy. Anyway, when the bosses dropped that bomb on me, they offered me a car to drive, so as to sweeten the deal a bit. (I found out later pretty much everyone they asked to move to this branch turned it down. I was the only one asked that had no leverage or bargaining power.) Since I still had my job and got a car to drive, I pretty much couldn't turn it down. I knew I'd be driving about 100 miles everyday, and the ability to keep those miles off my car and not pay for gas was worth it. That's all they told me: "we're giving you a car, just keep up with the mileage and the gas receipts." When I was let go, I coordinated the drop-off of the car and asked if there was anything left for me to do. Lady said nope. I left.

So, back to the phone call. The lady from the financial department said I owed them some sort of fee for driving the car!! She said it was some sort of fee/tax set out by the state because I drove one of their vehicles. I told her that I was sorry, but no one said anything about a fee for driving the car when it was given to me. A fee on a car you offered. Her response: "well, sometimes they forget to tell people." REALLY?? Sometimes they forget?? What good does that do me?? I told the woman straight up--I don't have any money. She said "its not that big of a deal, its only $57." I told her, no you don't get it. I don't have any money. My husband is in school, I don't have a job (YOU FIRED ME REMEMBER), I just paid $600 to retake the bar exam, $3000 for a tutor, my part-time job pays me exactly the amount of money our health insurance costs, and my parents GRACIOUSLY paid our rent, electric, water, and car insurances this month. Our checking account is almost empty and we've all but depleted our savings.


I'd rather be in the position I'm in now than still working for that horrible place.


1st run meeting

Tonight was the first night of the Run for God program at church. There was quite a turnout, I was surprised. I think I heard someone say 32? We have about 350-ish that attend on Sunday mornings, so I think 32 is pretty good? I don't know, maybe not. What do I know?

Anyway, the program is like this--we start today, meet every Tuesday with 2 weeks off at Christmas/New Years, and finish up with a 5K at the end of January. Essentially its Couch to 5K. Except with encouragement and fellowship.

The meeting started off with an Ironman video of the father/son team that runs marathons together. If you haven't heard of them before, you can watch a quick video here. The story makes me super weepy. After that we talked about the importance of running the race of life and how running is actually a lot like faith. We aren't always the best. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we give up. Sometimes we are super strong. Sometimes we struggle. But we can always try again.

The instructor encouraged us to run without headphones. Use this time to talk to God, focus on how it actually feels to run, clear our minds, encourage others, strike up conversations with others, etc. Some people actually spoke up in the meeting and said it was "impossible" for them to run without music and they don't exercise well with others. I looked at BC and was like--really? Why are you even here?

Anyway, after that we went to a local walk park (and I will definitely be securing a runner's gun holster now) and were supposed to do a 5 minute warm up, intervals of 60 seconds running with 90 seconds walking, and a 5 minute cool-down. Once the warm-up was over I started running. I ran for most of the time, and was really proud of myself. I am a slow runner, but I think I surprised people. I'm not skinny, I'm definitely not "fit." But it felt so good to push myself beyond what I am used to. I spent a lot of time praying for God to give me strength. Not just while I was running but in other parts of my life. I need physical endurance PLUS spiritual and emotional endurance. It was really amazing to run without any auditory assistance. I liked it.

I'm hoping this is a new start for me. I got to sport my awesome hot pink Vibram FiveFingers and I didn't go to McDonalds afterwards. I think this was a win.