So, after a very dramatic previous blog post, I have to say, I'm doing much better. Even though my quiz grades are not stellar, I've been getting a lot of encouragement from my tutor, and that makes me feel better. When I start to get overwhelmed about not doing as much work as I would like, I try to repeat what he has been telling me this whole time--you can't fix what is in the past, you can only make the best out of the time you have at this very second, don't focus on what's coming tomorrow. Anyway, it helps.
I gchatted the other day with LF and Rachel. Rachel and I are using the same tutor that LF used (with hopefully the same results!!!) and were swapping stories, including mutual breakdowns. LF was checking in on me to (I think) make sure I hadn't hurled myself off the closest high-rise. Being able to commiserate with other non-passers definitely helps. While you are unwillingly shoved into this group of people that no one wants to be in, of course, it is amazing the sort of support you are able to find. Its one thing for some person just to say, awww I'm so sorry you didn't pass. Its quite another for someone who actually didn't pass to say, I'm so sorry you didn't pass. They understand what its like to study and not achieve. To have your life put on hold while you shell out another $1000+ to move past what others already have. To feel like a failure. People I've never even met before are concerned about me and my well being. I am so incredibly grateful! (I have to put here, I'm grateful for all the people who are concerned about me, passers and non-passers alike, including non-lawyery people.) I've already told BC when this is all over, we're going to be taking lots of trips to visit these people so I can hug them all.
I've gotten involved with an online Bible Study group with Brittany, Amanda, and Jenna. I've really enjoyed it, and its forced me to be super accountable. We don't all do the same study, its more just for accountability purposes, and sharing things we're learning with other ladies. I'm currently going through David: 90 Days With a Heart Like His by Beth Moore. Since pretty much every woman I go to church with is either (1) my age and a mom or (2) not a mom but way younger than me, its nice to swap life junk with women who are both my age and not in mommy land yet.
In other news, I got my hairz highlighted yesterday. It was an AMAZING experience. I haven't gotten my hair done, in, I don't know, 7-ish months? Something like FOREVER ago. It was mostly because of money issues. Oddly enough, the darker my hair got, the more depressed I became. Perhaps it was a constant reminder of how poor I was? How I totally should have asked for a hair appt for Christmas? How I should have saved my Christmas money instead of spending it on, good grief I don't know, a million Dr. Peppers to and from NC on our Christmas vacation? I mean, seriously, how does cash go so freaking quickly out of my pocket???? WHAT THE HECK DO I SPEND IT ON ALL THE TIME.
My husband's parents were gracious enough to send us some money to help out with bills and so my husband could get some more contacts and glasses--definitely a necessity that unfortunately borders on a luxury these days. Since they were SO gracious, my husband told me to take some money to go get my hair done. I was literally ECSTATIC. Ever since then I've been in the best mood ever. Its amazing what getting your hair spruced up will do to a mood.
Welp, enough of all this. If I'm ever going to pass, I've got to get to work! Holla!