I can always tell when bar results come out...the emails start. I
never get happy emails, only sad ones. Most of the time I read them and
cry. I remember being in their shoes. The months of preparation, the
brain dump, and the weeks of anticipation. And then complete let-down.
For those that have come here for encouragement, you have found it! I completely understand how each of you feels.
So
where am I now? Working....and just....working. Realizing that real
life is never disclosed to you while in law school. How many professors
never really worked in the real world, or, if they did, they have been
sworn to secrecy so students won't quit and stop paying tuition. Even so,
even if we were warned, I'm sure none of us would have listened. We all
thought WE were the exception.
A new girl just started
in my office. I overheard her talking to some secretaries and I heard
"LSAT." I immediately thought--OH NO. Poor girl! She must be warned! Run
for your liiiiiiiiiife! But I kept all that to myself. I remember being
there. It wouldn't matter...it never does. And to be fair, I don't hate
the practice of law. At the end of the day, it is a noble profession.
You are always learning, always trying to figure out how to think of
something no one else has. Being in motion hearings/trial/whatever and
having to think up something on the fly successfully can make you feel awesome. (Or super dumb, depending on what the surprise issue is.)
What
makes our jobs tough are other people. If I could practice law all by
myself, I'd be fine. Or, maybe practice with like 5 other
lawyers I know. There's one girl in my office, and a couple other
attorneys scattered across America. I think we could all get along
pretty well. Alas, that's not the case. Somewhere along the line,
"adversaries" became synonymous with "enemies." I get along with most
male attorneys I sit across the table from, until I do something they
don't like and they start trying to tell me "how these things are
usually done, sweetie." Most female attorneys opposite my position are extremely hateful.
Its frustrating, because I work really hard not to instigate or be
difficult to work with. Recently, a few misunderstandings have led to several female adversaries to claim I'm being underhanded and malicious. Despite apologizing and working to be more clear and on top of things, I'm still being treated with contempt. Unfortunately, I've learned my age, gender, and
level of experience means I have only two options on how to act: door
mat or bit**. If you are nice, you get railroaded and your kindness is taken advantage of. If you stand your ground, you are the dreaded B WORD. I'm doing my best to take the high road.
I've really been struggling with this lately. I didn't intend for this post to go this direction, but its been on my mind a lot lately. I've also planned to pick up Unglued, by LysaTerKeurst. I honestly feel a bit unglued lately and I have literally no (local) attorney friends to talk to that are in the Christian faith. Yes, I can walk around, cursing everybody and everything. Yes, I can scream in my office about the idiots I come in contact with DAILY (and I have--so embarrassing). I need to get a grip no this. Stressful situations are a part of an attorneys life...nothing I'm experiencing is new to any lawyer. I just need to learn how to manage it all. And personally, I don't believe that managing it can be found at a bar, which is were a lot of stressed out professionals go. I believe I can solve it another way.
IN OTHER NEWS, I am going on almost 3 months of weight watchers, and I've lost 15 lbs! It's an AMAZING feeling, and I am LOVING how I feel! Man, going up the stairs is so much easier. Running is so much easier! Trying on clothes is so much easier! The other day I bought a size pants for work I have never worn. Maybe in like 5th grade or something, but its been many MANY years. I'm feeling so great, I don't EVER want to be back where I was!!
I'm also still rocking along in my wedding coordinating business. I had a wedding last weekend and I have one next month. I love it! Its SO much fun and I absolutely love helping brides have the perfect wedding day!
Ok. Well...I think that's enough for now. I'll try to make my posts a little more regular!
And, as always, if there are any bar un-passers out there, feel free to email me! (No such thing as a failer around here!)
