Oh Summery Judgment, how terribly neglected you are.

There are tons of stories that swirl around in my head. Things I'd like to share with all of you. Crazy stuff that happens to me in cashier-land, funny things Coco does, fears about THE TEST, etc. But somehow it never makes it on here.

I almost feel obligated, of sorts, to keep this up. I know there are several people out there who are going through an "I failed the bar exam" crisis and are looking for an outlet. More so than answer.com would say "You won't fail the bar, all you have to make is a D!"

Its ok, I've been there.

Several times.

Still, life moves on. In the process you may have to make decisions about your life. Is this really what you want to do? Is your heart leading you in a different career direction? (Confession...before I typed "career" I typed "job." There's a lesson in that I think.)

I get emails from time to time from people who say they read my blog and are thinking about me/praying for me, etc. Its very encouraging and I'm hoping they get a bit of encouragement here as well. I've never tried to mask what I feel...I've felt everything from rage to peace about this whole ride. I think that's important.

I met with my old tutor briefly on Saturday to get some tips about my essay writing. Basically, the first 20 minutes were devoted to him yelling at me about what I haven't done. (He gets me.) (Also: this is a good thing.) The reason this tutor works is because he basically gets down to the basics of everyone's issues and he hones in on them until you can't hide behind it anymore. Its fascinating, really. Anyway, my biggest problems are not organizing well enough, writing WAY TOO DANG MUCH, and not getting the buzzwords in. (CAN WE TAKE A MINUTE TO DISCUSS HOW MUCH I HATE THE WORD "BUZZWORD")

I'm thankful I only have to pass one part (one tiny glimmer of goodness from the state of Florida) and am praying I can get that magical 136 when I only have one section to depend on. Frankly the FL section terrifies me, and I'd much rather only have the MBE to tackle, but whatevs.

I put in my time off yesterday. I'm asking for essentially 3 weeks. I know its a long shot but good grief, I can't take this test anymore. I admitted to my boss this was my 5th try. Super embarrassing. I told her I have to pass. No more chances.

For today, however, I'm working. And thankful for the little tiny pay checks that have begun to roll in. The Lord is doing something huge here....I don't know what, but good grief, I'll be glad when I finally find out what it is.


Legally Fabulous said...

Sending hugs, prayers, and buzzzzwordssssssss! Just kidding. Fuckin buzzwords. ugh.

Anonymous said...

I am happy to read that you are giving it another try. I know what it's like emotionally to overcome the fear of failure. However, I suggest you remain focus and determine to finally pass this time around. Give it all you got! leave nothing behind and move on with your life, once this bar exam is over.

You'll will pass this time. Good Luck :)

Amanda said...

I can't wait to see what all of this is leading up to. I am so thankful for these blogs of ours since they sparked our email solidarity huddle :) which is what I'm going to have to call it from now on, ha!
If I could figure out a way to get chocolatey study treats to you without them melting in this godforsaken heat I would! And if I had a/c in my car I would probably just drive them to you myself ;)

Attorney At Large said...

Thinking good thoughts for you. HUGS. (You are seriously badass strong and don't need my hugs, but I'll give 'em anyway.)

Well-Sugared Student said...

Good luck! Hopefully this will be IT! By the way, I saw below that you said you would have nothing in common with the people at church with kids. At least three of my closest friends have had kids in the past few years and honestly have been great. They don't only talk about kids and we still do other things. Might be tougher to make friends with people who already have kids if they are busy people (and you are too). Anyway, just thought I'd say that maybe you would have more in common than you think!