I have sat down so many times and thought--I need to update people. But things have been in the way.
I passed the bar exam!
There have been a lot of crazy days in the past few weeks. Results came out two weeks ago, on a Tuesday. This whole time, I didn't know what day they came out. After I went to Tampa I felt so bad about how the test went, I knew there was absolutely no way I passed.
In the meantime, I was working two part-time jobs. One I had worked off and on for the past 6 years (the owners are friends of mine) but the other job I basically hated. I learned a TON about myself and about how you should treat other people during this time though, so I know the Lord was teaching me a lot. A big lesson was that none of us is good, worthy, better, etc. We're all people and deserve to be treated with respect. Even the people who treat you like a complete idiot because you are behind a counter serving them. Even the people who have complete raging meltdowns at you because their coupon is out of date by two months. You know...those people.
Back to timelines. The Sunday night before results came out, I was laying in bed and these waves of anxiety were just running through my body. I felt like it was time to see when results came out. I checked the website and it said the next Tuesday. I was like...wow. Ok. Two days. The next day I went to work and tons of people from church came through my line. TONS. It was weird. I told my husband that I was worried what sort of omen that was!
Tuesday morning I woke up, made coffee, did some yoga in the living room and just hung out with my husband. Nothing major. A girl I knew who took the exam texted me and asked if I passed. Ummmm really? WHO DOES THAT? Especially when its someone you KNOW has failed several times!!! Listen, PSA here: Don't do that. Don't text someone and ask if they passed. Let them come to you. Just do that please.
Anyway, so I checked. I found my number and it said "PASS." I died. I screamed. I cried. I scream-sobbed. I collapsed on the floor. I ran around the house tearing up boxes looking for my number, just to check. Once it was finally confirmed many times over, my husband and I sat down, my a blubbery mess, and prayed. It was the only thing I could think to do. Pray and thank my Heavenly Father for His goodness. For not leaving me. For seeing me through. For teaching me things. For believing in me enough that I could handle all this. And knowing exactly how much I could handle before I completely lost my mind.
I'm here to tell you it can happen to you. You can fail. You can pass. It doesn't matter who you are, good and bad things happen to both good and bad people. But its all about how you handle it. Being a Christian doesn't mean its sunshine and butterflies 24/7. It means you rely on the Lord no matter what. That doesn't mean you don't cry out in anger in sadness. Or that you don't question and wonder out loud what is going on in your life. It means staying faithful through it all. Because there isn't any other choice.
If someone is going through this, bar exam or not, whatever, and you need to talk, please email me! I have heard from SO MANY people feeling completely alone because they have failed. Trust me, I KNOW how you feel. I know everything you are feeling. I've felt that way four times. People have criticized me a million times over for what I've done, how I've reacted, how I've studied, how I've remained faithful, how I've shared my heart, etc. But I don't share for the critics, I share for that person who is desperate to know they aren't alone.
I'm SO GRATEFUL for all the people I've met through this blogging process. In fact, I had a friend from Nevada (now Washington) send me flowers to congratulate me when I got my results! Besides the wonderful family and friends I have around me, I now have a worldwide circle of friends who have supported and prayed for me. I feel so loved and blessed :)