7.14.2011

God wouldn't let you fail the bar exam

This was a distressing comment I read on a friends fb post the other day. She is taking the Tennessee bar exam for the first time at the end of the month, and hopefully for her, it wil be the only time. She made a status update about being stressed, and a friend of her commented that she needed to rest in the fact that God would no let her fail the bar.

I take some issue with that.

I love the Lord. I try to live my life as close to what the Bible says. Sometimes I fail, sometimes my faith is weak, and sometimes I don't pray like I should. But I know that God loves me, Jesus died for my sin, and I want to spend eternity in Heaven. 

I am not saying that to pat myself on the back. I'm saying that because I know, due to all those things, God has a plan for me. I have no idea what that plan is, but I'm living in it and trying my best to be patient as I travel down my little tiny sidewalk of life.

Now. God is not a genie in a magic lamp. He isn't Santa Claus. Praying is not like having 3 wishes or making a list one night and waking up to your "prizes" the next morning. But, for some reason, people have that idea. That if you are a "good enough" Christian, you will be "rewarded" with good things. 

So: am I not a good enough Christian because I didn't pass the bar exam?

Is this person implying that good Christians pass the bar exam and heathens don't?

As Amie so eloquently responded: how do we explain all the Jewish lawyers?

Now look, I understand this person was just doing their best to be super encouraging to my friend. I mean, I'm not dumb. I get it. For some reason, people feel the need to be over-the-top super duper encouraging to you while you are preparing. Which, I don't know about anyone else, that just made me hyper-aware of the fact I might fail.

So here's the deal. Following in Legally Fab's footsteps, I'll say it too: You might fail the bar exam.

Even bigger...

GOD MIGHT LET YOU FAIL THE BAR EXAM.

Its a terrifying thought. I know. I've lived it. TWICE.

It is a harrowing thought that you might fail.

But you know the MOST astounding thing? You won't die. You're life will continue. You'll wake up the next morning and continue to breathe. (Unless, I suppose, its just your time.)

I have to admit, I struggled with that. I struggled last September and I REALLY struggled this past May. Asking why I, a good little Christian girl, would be cursed with failing the bar exam? I mean, certainly God is bigger than a test and could make my brain know every single answer to every single question. So why wouldn't He?

Answer: I wasn't supposed to. That has been the single hardest thing to learn over this past year. I wasn't supposed to pass. Why? I don't know. Looking back, I can see how it forced me, completely and utterly FORCED me, to rely on Him. And you know, funny thing, He provided. I kept my job longer than any single human fail-er I've ever known. I had a government job and they kept me past two failings. How unheard of is that?! I've been allowed to leave my job, three times now, just leave all my responsibilities on my desk, to stay home and study. WHILE I cover my family in insurance. How crazy. 

Now, would life be easier if I was already sworn in, celebrating what would now be my first year in practice? Of course. But "what good is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36). If life was one long cake walk, what would be the point? 

Look, here's the truth. You might fail. There is always that chance. Especially in Florida. You might fail more than once. I'm living proof that its a possibility. And even though you may feel like it will, your life won't end. You'll cry a lot, sit in dark rooms, stew over the fact your friends are getting sworn in and not you, and cry some more. But, ultimately, you'll get back up, keep working, and try again. 

That's the truth. 

So look, God might let you fail the bar exam. But remember, His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). Someone told me one time that our lives are like staring through a straw...we can only see this tiny hole in front of us, when there is a whole system working outside of us we don't even know or understand.

In a couple of weeks we all head to the big cities to take the test, for the first, second, third, etc times. If you are a believer, I urge you to allow God to work in your life right now. Don't rest in the fact that He will cause you to pass. Rest in the fact that He is working out an amazing plan in your life, and you're just along for the ride.

5 comments:

Jane said...

Great post! And while I will (thankfully) never be attempting the bar exam - I think this applies to everything we try to do in our lives. Thanks for a great reminder and I wish you all the best with your next test!

Fabulously Awkward said...

Well-written, and all good points. I'm sending good vibes your way. :)

Brittany said...

Amen. Praying for you!

Legally Married said...

Great post - hope things work out for you with the bar (we're still two years away, but I can't imagine!), but you're right about how God works. ;)

Tree Hugging (Almost) Attorney said...

This is so incredibly true.
I feel like my faith is getting stronger by the day. The bar exam, in the grand scheme, was a small price to pay for realizing where I should really put my focus.