Nervous habits.

I think everybody has nervous habits. I am a nervous itcher. I have naturally dry skin (which was actually great as a teenager. Dry-ish skin=no zits.)

However, as a bar studier, this means my pale gross skin can't hide the fact I am a nervous itcher. I have a lot of make-up to do with my skin now. When we get back to the beach I'm going to soak up some sun and go find a good dermatologist.

BC started calling me a crackhead when I start my nervous itching. Which made me think of this:

Chappelle's Show
Tyrone Biggums' Red Balls Energy Drink
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

ahhh Dave Chappell.....too bad you went crazy.

post-bar day 2

I am not prepared to talk about the Bar Exam.

I only want to dwell in the wonderful world of post-Bar life.

If I don't pass I will scream.

I don't want to do that again.

Anyways.

Since we were in Tampa, we went to a Tampa Bay Rays game. It was awesome. I made a bright pink poster that said: I just took the FL BAR EXAM Put me on TV!" And they did! It was awesome. Everyone around me was congratulating me. BC rolled his eyes when I told him I wanted to do it, he didn't believe me. But as soon as we sat down, I opened up the poster and waited for me time in the limelight.

And yes, it happened.

We traveled on south after the game, and we are currently staying with my aunt for half a second before heading back to the beach. She convinced a TON of fam to drive over and we all went out to dinner. BC and I ended up crashing and woke up this morning to head to....

...wait for it....

MASSAGES!

We signed up to get 30 minute massages this morning with a massage therapist that is a friend of my aunt's. Sweet goodness, that thing was AWESOME. I will forever be getting massages for the rest of my life until I die. If you have not gotten a massage before, you absolutely must go do it. Seriously, like 10 minutes into it, I was drooling and slurring my words because I was so relaxed. When I left I felt like I had been slowly drinking for like 10 hours. You know that weird woozy feeling? Oh it was wonderful.

Now we are relaxing and watching The People's Court. Ahhhh......the good life :)

I will post pictures of awesome things when we get back home. Watch out for the ballin' poster and some awesome sunsets!

xoxo

UGHHHHHHHHHH

The bar exam suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Duh.

Like that was new information that anyone was unaware of.

I will most likely have a post where I recount all the nonsense of the past two days...

but for now, I'll leave you with this little story. BC deserves all my free time right now because he has had to suffer through the past two months of crap.

I pushed myself to finish the last half of the MBE before the last 20 minutes when you can't get up and leave. I finished, signed my I-promise-not-to-tell-the-MBE-questions-to-anyone-ever-as-long-as-I-live paper, and ran out of the Convention Center to wait for the hotel shuttle. There were like 4 people outside. Everyone else was standing at the minibar that had been rolled out by the Convention Center to fill up all the eager drinkers. I just had to get out.

Of COURSE I get stuck on the shuttle with the two most pretentious people (ok, maybe just one, and she was old and definitely a gunner. UGH) who were just ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED they passed. The driver asked if we passed. I said no. They were like ummmm YEEEAHHHH!!! I was like, ugh, can I walk back now? Let me out? Please?

BC and I wanted to go to dinner, so we went to Carrabbas, had a crappy time, didn't get what I ordered, etc. So we went next door to the Whole Foods where we sat in the caf, ate pizza, drank fun flavored sodas (his: ginger, mine: apple), bought a cookie, crystallized ginger, and Smart Water, and left with some delicious gelato.

That dinner was WAY better than anything Carrabbas could have done for us.

And now I'm going to spend some qt with BC. Because he deserves it :)

This is it.

Well fellow internet-ers, this is where the fun ends. This is the last post I'll write until I'm on the other side of the bar exam.

Tonight BC and I had dinner with my parents at our favorite waterside restaurant and afterwards me and BC wasted some time on the beach (we couldn't actually get to the beach b/c all the dumb a tourists took, seriously, every single parking place. Had BC not been there, I'm pretty sure I would have gotten out and keyed every single last one of those Mercedes and awful Tahoes with those stupid flop-flop stick family stickers on the back).

Moving on. Tomorrow after church we head down to Tampa.  Found out the hotel has a shuttle to the Convention Center, so that's great, I guess. Not sure if I want to ride over with all the freaking out bar exam takers, though....something about that situation is just not jiving with me.

Regardless, this is the end. Next time you hear from me, I will be typing gibberish onto a computer screen, having left 98% of my brain at the Tampa Convention Center.

Please say a little prayer for all of us bar takers next week, we will TOTALLY appreciate it :)

xoxo

introspective procrastination

I just read a blog post written by my blogfriend Amie, where she mentioned a friend of hers who just started blogging. This friend, Peach, wrote a guest post about some snippets from her life. In one of these snippets was how she failed the bar exam and was currently waiting on her second attempt results. Then I saw a comment in the guest post by AG where she stated she got laid off after one year as an attorney and was now dealing with a whole different job situation than she expected.

And it made me wonder.

How much do our plans differ from those that the Lord has set out for us? I mean, yes, it seems logical--you go to undergrad, law school, take the bar, and BAM--attorney forever. End. But really? What if that just isn't our little deal?

Ex: BC is going back to school, starting all over.

Want to know a secret??

(I'm jealous.)

Insanely jealous. I kinda want to start over. I kinda want to do something else. Somedays I can't WAIT to get to my new job (will be a new local misdemeanor prosecutor IF I PASS THE DANG BAR EXAM) and I'm so totally excited to do it. Some days I want to go to culinary school. Some days I want to go get one of those tiny baby degrees and be a radiology tech. Sometimes I want to start my own business (I have a BALLIN' idea for a new business, but I'm not going to share because I'm stingy) and some days I want to stay at home and cook and clean and be a puppy momma.

Maybe its the bar exam. Maybe its pushed me so far to the edge I'm questioning all my scholastic decisions since I allowed my parents to move me to a different part of the state in the first grade. Or maybe its because I haven't been outside in two months and am seriously lacking in Vitamin D.

Either way, this is where I am. I'm breaking down as I type because I realize, despite all this wonder, maybe its really just a lack of faith in myself. (Dang it, this turned into one of those introspective posts, UGH.)

So, as absolutely PETRIFIED as I am to do pretty much anything right now besides stare at my PMBR books on the floor...I will leave you with this:

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:2

hurricane??

So, since the bar exam just could NOT get ANY MORE AWESOME!, there is a tropical depression/storm/hurricane/blahblahblah headed towards Florida-ish. The current cone has it heading towards Louisiana (God bless those people, like they need anymore drama). So hopefully it won't pull any nonsense and try to head toward Tampa. Its whatever though, most of us natives were born in the middle of a hurricane warning, so we're used to all of that.

Did some FL practice yesterday, ended up wavering between 50-70%, which I am stoked about (I think...right??) Once my score is scaled, I'm hoping I just slide right with all those other little passers.

Today was supposed to be my MBE day, but I ended up getting up this morning and going and getting breakfast with BC, heading over to the college with him to make sure his financial aid was all set (that's right ladies and gents, I'm going to be bringing in the bacon! woohoo!), and then taking a nap. I just woke up. Don't worry, I'm about to get started, dang it. I'm just SO FREAKING TIRED OF ALL THIS!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! My brain is like--NO, Alicia. NO MORE. NO NO NO. Stupid bar exam, I hate you for ruining my summerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All right, back to reading. u.g.h.

I'm sending BC to go get cookies. Fruit, schmoot. Who can eat fruit at a time like this. I WANT COOKIES!

good times will come again.

On our way back from picking up pizza (I'm pretty sure we've eaten pizza for dinner about 10 times in the last 2 weeks. Hello again 10 pounds!), BC looked at me and said:

"we had fun times in December."

I thought two things. First--geez, December? What happened in December? Second--dang, that was soooo long ago.

When I asked for clarification, he said "you know, the cupcakes, the beach, Pickles..." (all of this involves a little beach town near my home that we l-o-v-e.)

Then, I felt bad. Aside from getting engaged, which was wonderful and magical and wonderful, I realized how much he has gone through for me. We started dating the middle/end of fall 3L semester and got real serious in the spring and got engaged in February (what can I say, when you know, you know!). But then it was always something with me...school, bar app, weekend visits, long phone calls, lots of tears, graduating, moving a jillion times, roommate drama, other people/places/things drama (mostly people), family drama, weight loss, weight gain, complaints, broken phones....the list goes on. Then I moved back to FL, and he came too. Just picked up his whole life and come to be with me.

Now its more stuff with me--bar exam, bar exam, bar exam. He's going to Tampa with me to hang out in the hotel for two days waiting for me to be done with all this.

After waking up this morning to a messy kitchen, I told him we were eating out until the bar. I didn't want to cook or clean. DONE. As I went in to study, he voluntarily went into the kitchen, scrubbed EVERYTHING, took out the trash, swept...all of it.

I was reminded how incredibly lucky I am. And as I sit here listening to him play the guitar, I realize there isn't anywhere else I would rather be than right here.

So, when he said that tonight, all I could tell him was that I promise things won't be like this forever. I promise that I will be normal again. I promise I won't always be a crying, manic mess. I promise that I will take showers on a regular basis. I promise I will remember where my make-up is. I promise I won't wear pajamas every day. I promise we'll do fun things all the time. I promise I'll cook more than bacon and grilled cheese sandwiches. I promise I'll lay around and watch TV with you. I promise to stop eating pizza and look smoking hot for our wedding. (Ok, that last one was for me. I need my own motivation. For the record BC could care less. In a good way.)

I promise the good times will come again.

yummmmmmmmmmm

*scoff* wedding diet. psh on all that.

Someone please come make me this tomorrow morning:

(@PW)

Please? It's all I can think about.

This recipe is from Pioneer Woman. You can find it here. Oh dear, it is so delicious. So easy to make. So delicious. Its all I have been thinking about for like 3 hours. 

Did I mention it was delicious?

So......any takers? Pretty please?

Regaining composure...

So this morning was a mini-meltdown. Or a big one. Regardless, it happened, more than once.

BC talked me off of multiple ledges at multiple points in the day. I realized multiple choice questions are just a huge weak spot for me. I realized that all this bar nonsense may not be a lost cause, because essay grade #2 out of 3 was also a green dot--Exceeds the Standards! I was pretty excited about that, because that means, given the chance, I'm not a complete legal moron.

So, to keep myself on this high, I will digress to other happy things.

I have family coming to visit tomorrow! They are staying with my parents and will probably see me for like 2.5 seconds at church on Sunday.

Two weeks from now the bar exam will be OVER, I will be taking in a Tampa Rays game with BC, and enjoying the beaches of Central/South Florida for the first time in a L-O-N-G time.

We are having $5 Little Caesar's pizza for dinner!

Also, I read a few other blawgs the other day and read about some other legal-y people dealing with MUCH worse issues with me...from scheming and conniving exs and bitter divorces to unknown brain issues. I realized...life could be worse than a test. One stupid test. One stupid test that means a lot....but still, one stupid test.


Things could be worse.





**ps. I know I waiver a TON in these posts. I promise I'm not bi-polar. Yet.

Hmmm....

So, some interesting things happened yesterday.

Since Wednesday was rough and I only got through 100 of my 200 MBEs, I did the other 100 yesterday. And that's about all I did because I am desperately clinging on to whatever remaining willpower may or may not be left in my body.

Well, while I was working I decided to take a lil break and check out my practice state exam and see if my essays had been graded. One was. The verdict: Exceeds Standards! A green dot! I mean, hello, what's up with that?!?! I think at that point, for the FIRST TIME this summer, I thought that I might, just perhaps, maybe would not fail the bar exam.

Well, I continued on in my MBEs, finishing last night, only to discover, when I graded them that I had, in fact, only gotten 36 right. Oh yes my friends, you read that correctly. 36. Out of 100. Add that to my 47 from the first section. 83 right out of 200. Wow. Yeah that won't get you very far.

BC was reading out the answers to the second section and I was going through and checking them off and I was like........crap, what test was I taking?!?! Is he even reading the right thing?! What is going on here?

I'm pretty sure, no...I'm COMPLETELY sure, you could grab a rando off the streets and say, "hey, take this test for kicks, see what happens" and they would do better than a freaking 36!

I mean, its not like I've been learning this stuff for 3 years.

Nope.

So after crying sobbing having a complete and total messy breakdown for like 4 minutes on BC's shoulder, I sucked it up and went back to work.

If I fail this thing, I'm not doing this again. I'll figure something else out. But I'm NOT doing this again. I'm not putting myself through it, BC through it, my family through it, nothing. A job isn't worth it that much to me...

So, now that I'm behind yet again on my syllabus, I'll work my best today to catch up. I feel so beat down. And I feel like a dummie. And I want to put the books down and go to sleep. And I want to...

Dear sweet goodness.

Today started off as a very sucky day when I woke up at 6 am with debilitating cramps. (I have no shame in sharing this, one because I'm like 99% sure most of my readers/followers are women, [except you BC!!!], and two because guys aren't dumb and they know lady things pop up from time to time--big shocker, I know.)

Anyways. Today was supposed to be MBE day. 100 in the morning, 100 in the afternoon. Its 4:50 pm and I'm on question like 41 from the first section. I can barely focus to read the question, much less process it while dealing with all this pain. My brain is already sick and tired of all this nonsense and trying to process it while I feel like there is something trying to claw its way out of my abdomen is next to impossible.

So, I am taking break number, like, 10,000 right now. I am sitting here in the living room listening to BC play the drums and enjoying a most delectable treat he brought me--the last coffee drink I will ever need:

The McDonalds Mocha Frappe.

Seriously, people. I'm being serious.

This thing will have you saying "Starbucks, what? Who? I don't even know what that is."

I understand skepticism. Really, I do. I once lived in that world. But no longer. Since I am (obviously) trying SO HARD to stick to my wedding diet, last week, BC and I went to McD for breakfast. He got one of these, but I was like "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....nahhhh." Of course, when he picked it up from the window, I tried it and had to stop myself from jumping from the moving car and running away with it.

So all I could think of today, while I was sitting here dying of pain and hating my life and averaging about 2 questions every 15 minutes, all I could think of was one of these babies. So sweet BC went to pick some up.

Mine is almost all gone, and his is sitting here on the table. I might finish his too. He's far away behind a drum set and unable to fight me off.

Here's your assignment: go give one of these a shot. The McDonald's website has a coupon for $1 off of these things until 8/15. Here's the website!

All right, I'm going to try to get back to this. I have to finish 100 question in three hours. Its like the saddest thing ever if I can't even get half of this crap accomplished today.

*toodles*

New Grill

So last Saturday morning, BC and I ended up having breakfast with my parents. (I have to stop here and say...there are crazy people I know who are studying for the bar and aren't seeing their families and/or eating. What's up with that? I just can't do that. If seeing my family and eating means I fail, well.....so be it.)

Anyways.

So we were eating breakfast and my mom asked if we had used our "grill" yet. (The "grill" is a tiny baby thing I bought at a garage sale that you can bring to the beach. It might be big enough to grill a hotdog. Maybe.)

I said no, and frowned and looked at BC.

So a couple of hours later, my mom shows up at our house with a lighter, a bag of charcoal and a new grill!! Woohoo! Pretty dang excited. Its HUGE. Its a Weber. Its awesome.

So today we went to the grocery store and bought all sorts of delicious things to grill. Tonight was steaks. We bought a fun little marinade and threw them on.

Well.....this was me and BC's first grill attempt. Needless to say, we had to resort to a small amount of
microwave time at the end. But for a first attempt the steaks were still delish!!

I was in charge of side dishes, and I picked two things. I know I wanted to make black-eyed peas. OK, done. Next was something with red potatoes....but what...? Here's what I did, I just have to share. BC said this concoction ended up tasting amazing, and that's enough for me!!

Red Potatoes
Cheddar Cheese
Heavy Cream
Onion, chopped up
Bacon (the real kind), crumbled up
Butter
Salt and Pepper

Cooked the potatoes, and mushed them up, added some butter, some heavy cream, some shredded cheddar, a little bit of chopped up onion, and some real bacon. I don't have amounts of this stuff because seriously I just kept adding and tasting until I thought it was delicious.

Everyone should make their own version of this. It will make your boyfriend/fiance/husband swoon and people everywhere will want to be your best friend.

Post-July 4th

BC is finally moved all in and is on his way to officially becoming a Florida resident. I am on my way to becoming officially insane. (bar stuff, hello, where have you been for a month.)

Apparently after July 4th, everyone is supposed to kick it into gear and get with the program. That is my plan and I'm ready to go! I told BC I refuse to be like everyone else and be a raging b and take it all out on BC and never see him. Yesterday we made dinner and took and walk and it was nice. We study in the office together, and it is nice. He gives me neck massages, and it is nice.

The most important thing to me--him. Not the bar exam. Don't get me wrong, its important. Pretty dang important. Its whats going to keep me in a job and keep us afloat while he's finishing school. But its not more important than him.

Keep that in mind, fellow bar peeps. When this is all over, your husband/fiance/boyfriend, family, friends...they are all still going to be there. Don't treat them badly.


And now I shall leave you with some pictures!!!


First, my amazing wonderful flag cake I am so proud of! It is a little rough looking, but for a first effort, I'm pretty happy :)

Finally, some shots of the fireworks we saw, once I figured out how to work the fireworks setting on my new camera!

Happy *almost* 4th of July!

Before I begin the obligatory holiday posting, I need to make a quick mention of something...why is it we call this holiday the 4th of July instead of Independence Day? I mean, I know most holidays don't fall on the same day every year. But some do. So shouldn't we say "Happy March 17th" instead of "Happy St. Patrick's Day." I know that sounds dumb. It just needed to be said.

Now, on with the fun!




I LOVE LOVE LOVE the 4th of July Independence Day! Since I've been little my lil fam has pretty much done the same thing every year. That involves: the local parade and following craft festival, cookouts, naps, and fireworks!!!! WOOOO!!!!

Because we live in a beachy area, we have the luxury of watching the fireworks over the water. Pretty freakin' sweet. About 4-ish years ago a friend of mine got married on July 5th and I traveled with my parents to go to the wedding because it was held in our old hometown, close to where my Mom grew up. We went and saw fireworks down there...SO LAME. Definitely better over the water, hands down.

This year is even more special because BC will be here and it will be our first 4th of July Independence Day together!!

Here, enjoy some pictures.

First, the food.

Gotta love delicious grilled things and the stuff you put on them!

I have always wanted to make one of these cakes, and dang it, this year I'm going to do it!!!!!!!!


Next...some flag stuff.

Lots of tall flags always overwhelmed me.

And some beachy flags!!


And finally.....the FIREWORKS!!

Love, love, LOVE fireworks over the water. Have I mentioned that yet?


Hope your 4TH OF JULY is awesome!!! :)




P.S.I have to give a shout-out to my new blawg friend, Amie, at Third Tier from the Top. Apparently I made her famous by posting some of her Bar Exam wisdom on fb and because she mentioned my name on her blog I am now famous. So hello to my recent visitors!