introspective procrastination

I just read a blog post written by my blogfriend Amie, where she mentioned a friend of hers who just started blogging. This friend, Peach, wrote a guest post about some snippets from her life. In one of these snippets was how she failed the bar exam and was currently waiting on her second attempt results. Then I saw a comment in the guest post by AG where she stated she got laid off after one year as an attorney and was now dealing with a whole different job situation than she expected.

And it made me wonder.

How much do our plans differ from those that the Lord has set out for us? I mean, yes, it seems logical--you go to undergrad, law school, take the bar, and BAM--attorney forever. End. But really? What if that just isn't our little deal?

Ex: BC is going back to school, starting all over.

Want to know a secret??

(I'm jealous.)

Insanely jealous. I kinda want to start over. I kinda want to do something else. Somedays I can't WAIT to get to my new job (will be a new local misdemeanor prosecutor IF I PASS THE DANG BAR EXAM) and I'm so totally excited to do it. Some days I want to go to culinary school. Some days I want to go get one of those tiny baby degrees and be a radiology tech. Sometimes I want to start my own business (I have a BALLIN' idea for a new business, but I'm not going to share because I'm stingy) and some days I want to stay at home and cook and clean and be a puppy momma.

Maybe its the bar exam. Maybe its pushed me so far to the edge I'm questioning all my scholastic decisions since I allowed my parents to move me to a different part of the state in the first grade. Or maybe its because I haven't been outside in two months and am seriously lacking in Vitamin D.

Either way, this is where I am. I'm breaking down as I type because I realize, despite all this wonder, maybe its really just a lack of faith in myself. (Dang it, this turned into one of those introspective posts, UGH.)

So, as absolutely PETRIFIED as I am to do pretty much anything right now besides stare at my PMBR books on the floor...I will leave you with this:

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:2


Brittany said...

That's a beautiful verse.

Good luck over the next few days :).

Amie said...

Just because you're going to be a lawyer doesn't mean you can't do those other things. Pete and I are talking about signing up for some cooking classes, just for the heck of it. And AG is starting a franchise business as a result of the layoff. Things work out. So now? Just put the hurt on the bar. You can do this.