I just read a blog post written by my blogfriend Amie, where she mentioned a friend of hers who just started blogging. This friend, Peach, wrote a guest post about some snippets from her life. In one of these snippets was how she failed the bar exam and was currently waiting on her second attempt results. Then I saw a comment in the guest post by AG where she stated she got laid off after one year as an attorney and was now dealing with a whole different job situation than she expected.
And it made me wonder.
How much do our plans differ from those that the Lord has set out for us? I mean, yes, it seems logical--you go to undergrad, law school, take the bar, and BAM--attorney forever. End. But really? What if that just isn't our little deal?
Ex: BC is going back to school, starting all over.
Want to know a secret??
Insanely jealous. I kinda want to start over. I kinda want to do something else. Somedays I can't WAIT to get to my new job (will be a new local misdemeanor prosecutor IF I PASS THE DANG BAR EXAM) and I'm so totally excited to do it. Some days I want to go to culinary school. Some days I want to go get one of those tiny baby degrees and be a radiology tech. Sometimes I want to start my own business (I have a BALLIN' idea for a new business, but I'm not going to share because I'm stingy) and some days I want to stay at home and cook and clean and be a puppy momma.
Maybe its the bar exam. Maybe its pushed me so far to the edge I'm questioning all my scholastic decisions since I allowed my parents to move me to a different part of the state in the first grade. Or maybe its because I haven't been outside in two months and am seriously lacking in Vitamin D.
Either way, this is where I am. I'm breaking down as I type because I realize, despite all this wonder, maybe its really just a lack of faith in myself. (Dang it, this turned into one of those introspective posts, UGH.)
So, as absolutely PETRIFIED as I am to do pretty much anything right now besides stare at my PMBR books on the floor...I will leave you with this:
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:2