Hmmm....

So, some interesting things happened yesterday.

Since Wednesday was rough and I only got through 100 of my 200 MBEs, I did the other 100 yesterday. And that's about all I did because I am desperately clinging on to whatever remaining willpower may or may not be left in my body.

Well, while I was working I decided to take a lil break and check out my practice state exam and see if my essays had been graded. One was. The verdict: Exceeds Standards! A green dot! I mean, hello, what's up with that?!?! I think at that point, for the FIRST TIME this summer, I thought that I might, just perhaps, maybe would not fail the bar exam.

Well, I continued on in my MBEs, finishing last night, only to discover, when I graded them that I had, in fact, only gotten 36 right. Oh yes my friends, you read that correctly. 36. Out of 100. Add that to my 47 from the first section. 83 right out of 200. Wow. Yeah that won't get you very far.

BC was reading out the answers to the second section and I was going through and checking them off and I was like........crap, what test was I taking?!?! Is he even reading the right thing?! What is going on here?

I'm pretty sure, no...I'm COMPLETELY sure, you could grab a rando off the streets and say, "hey, take this test for kicks, see what happens" and they would do better than a freaking 36!

I mean, its not like I've been learning this stuff for 3 years.

Nope.

So after crying sobbing having a complete and total messy breakdown for like 4 minutes on BC's shoulder, I sucked it up and went back to work.

If I fail this thing, I'm not doing this again. I'll figure something else out. But I'm NOT doing this again. I'm not putting myself through it, BC through it, my family through it, nothing. A job isn't worth it that much to me...

So, now that I'm behind yet again on my syllabus, I'll work my best today to catch up. I feel so beat down. And I feel like a dummie. And I want to put the books down and go to sleep. And I want to...